2022年首考學生在情節設置和主題把握上偏離原文，導致續寫得分較低。葛炳芳老師提到的“情節內容大于語言形式。沒有好的故事內容和語篇框架，有再多的好詞好句也是枉然，也只是詞語堆砌”。讀后續寫融洽度策略——情節延續閱讀下面短文，根據所給情節進行續寫，使之構成一個完整的故事注意：所續寫短文的詞數應為150左右；應使用5個以上短文中標有下劃線的關鍵詞語；續寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好；續寫完成后，請用下劃線標出你所使用的關鍵詞語;若詞數少于130，從總分中扣去2分。讀后學寫要求Para1.Shewantedtogetmorehelp.Forthesebookswerefarfromenough.Toensurechildrengetaccesstomorebooks.Larrella

tookpicturesofthelibraryanduploadedthemonline,callingonstudentstodonatebookstothechildrenlibrary.Beforelong,hundredsofnewandsecondhandbookspouredin,Larrella，heruncleandcousinspentawholeweekchecking,classifyingandarrangingthebooksandputtingthemontheshelves.Tiredasshewas,asmilelitupherfacewhenshepicturedthescenewherechildrenwereburiedinreadingbythebook-filledshelves.(Larrella想辦法為圖書館添置書籍的經過)WhyHow前文伏筆

前文伏筆前文伏筆Para2.Thebigdayfinallycame.Witheverythingready,thelibraryfinallyopened.Severalchildrensteppedincuriously,askingLarrella,“Canwereadthebooks?”“Sure.Welcome!”,sheencouragedthem.Somechosewhattheyliked,whileothershesitated.Realizingtheyhadtroublereading,Larrellagatheredtheminacorner,teachingthemfromtheverybeginning.Soonmorechildrenjoinedin.EverynightLarrellasparedsometimetogivelessonssothatmorechildrencouldgainknowledgefromthebooks.Hereffortsopenedthewisdomdoorforthem,whichwouldsurelymakeagreatagreatdifferencetotheirlives.(圖書館開放之后場景）What前文伏筆

前文伏筆

Whyplotmountain①Beginning②Development③Climax(turningpoint)④Ending讀+后續+寫13讀后續寫融洽度策略模型圖閱讀目標①通讀全文，明確中心②抓住伏筆，

預設情節讀——主題下的閱讀Conflict——SolutionNegative——PositiveNomorecharacters（突出人物）Tellfoilsfromthe

character(s)

（從人物身上展現情節）

敘事是一種洞察因果、人物、價值觀的話語手段Exposition背景:Incitingincident引起沖突的事件:Risingaction引發的行動:分析原文情節的重要性原文情節梳理Who:IanCappelle

a38-year-oldgeologist,gotinterestedinclimbingAprilretired,abigbrother,anexperiencedclimbera,generousteacher

Theymadeittotheledge(巖架)thatmarkedtheendofthefirstsection-------Apriltooktheleadinthesecondsection------beingafewmetresabovehispartner(Cappelle)------helookeddownandwatchedinterrorasacloudofbeesflewoutoftherock------Theswarm(蜂群)envelopedhim,stinging(蜇)himoverandoveragain,thepainspreadingacrosshisneckandfaceandbody------原文情節梳理What:aggressiveAfricanisedbees------stungtoomanytimes,-------50/50chanceofdying------'killerbees”-------beesswarmtowardsCappelle-----anincreasingpainforbeesattackedhim-----Aprilhungsuspendedinmid-airabout30metresofftheground------beeshadn'tstoppedstingingNeithermancouldheartheother注意：1.續寫兩段協同Para1:Experiencedashewas,nomatterthedanger,Aprilhadalwaysbeenabletokeephismindclear.Para2:Theonlywaytosavehisfriendfromthekillerbeeswastoclimbupthemountainandbackintotheswarm.Aprilclimbeddown原文伏筆

beingafewmetresabovehispartner(Cappelle)------helookeddownandwatchedinterrorasacloudofbeesflewoutoftherock注意：1.續寫兩段協同寫作建議：基于情節的寫作Para1:Experiencedashewas,nomatterthedanger,Aprilhadalwaysbeenabletokeephismindclear.Para2:Theonlywaytosavehisfriendfromthekillerbeeswastoclimbupthemountainandbackintotheswarm.Howdidhedo?Whatdidhedo?HowdidCappellefeel?WhatdidAprildo?注意：2.續寫與所給首句協同協同

寫作問題：違背真實生活，缺乏合理性

下水作文1Para1:Hestayedforamomentthere,thinkinghowtoescapefromthebees.Sohehadnochoicebuttoclimbdowntheledgeimmediately,astheywereknownasthekillers.Withovercomggreatpain,Aprilreachedtheground.Uponhisarriving,hesawtheswarmsurroundinghispartner.Whathecouldheardwasthedeafeningbuzz.下水作文23.Para2.

Struggingtheextremepain,Aprilcimbedupthemountainagain,howdifficultitwas.Foritwasonlyhe,anexperiencedclimber,thatsavedCappelle.HesparednoefforttowhereCappellewas.OnceseeingApril,heworearelievdsmile.“staycalm,Iamwithyou.”saidApril.Withjointeffort,theymadeitdowntheground.Whatanarrowescape!參考范文Para1:

Experiencedashewas,nomatterthedanger,Aprilhadalwaysbeenabletokeephismindclear.

Atthatmomentsomethingwentthroughhismind.Itwasobviousthathehadtoclimbdownassoonaspossible,howevertough.Withovercomingthepain,Aprilmadeittotheground.Uponhisarrival,“Ian,”Aprilgasped(喘息),therewasnoresponsetohim,Immediately,hecalledattherescueteam,butitwouldtakethemlongtocomeandevenlongertosafelyclimbup.Hedidn'thavethatmuchtimeleft.Para2:

Theonlywaytosavehisfriendfromthekillerbeeswastoclimbupthemountainandbackintotheswarm.HeknewwithcertaintythathewastheonlypersonthatcouldhelpIanout.Despitehisunbearablepain,hescrambled(迅速而吃力)uptherocksasfastashecould.Hewasagainenvelpedbyamassivecloudofbees.Fortunately,bythetime，hehadreachedthere,Cappellewasconsciousenoughtofollowhisinstructions,withshoulderinghimdowntotheground,theambulancewaspullingup(justaroundthecorner)belowthem.Theywereluckyenoughtohavesurvived.續寫情節構建中存在的問題1.文章理解不到位，續寫情節與原文脫離2.違背真實生活，缺乏合理性3.融洽度不高，銜接不合理4.大量對話無意義，段落間分布不均衡5.主題升華牽強或跑偏2RReadfortheforeshadowing①Beginning②Development③續寫1段首句Finally,shespottedClay.④續寫2段首句Acaimiehadtopushthosethoughtsawayandfocusonwhatshechoulddo.Theme②抓住伏筆

，預設情節暗示夫妻之愛能克服萬難，走出火山谷

捕捉續寫點手機何時會有信號？續寫部分應設置情節呼應銜接此處weakcry暗示Clay滾落入火山坑受傷，續寫第一段應描寫Clay的情況

如何照應伏筆題型特點和能力要求總則山東續寫浙江續寫總分為25分，按7個檔次評分總分為25分，按5個檔次評分1.內容質量、完整性、與原文情境融洽；2.詞匯&語法結構準確恰當多樣；3.上下文銜接&全文連貫1.與所給短文&開頭語銜接；2.內容豐富&劃線詞使用；3.語法結構&詞匯豐富準確；4.上下文連貫詞數少于120的，酌情扣分詞數少于130，從總分中減去2分評分標準題型特點和能力要求山東續寫浙江續寫22—25分（優秀）

1.創造了新穎、豐富、合理的內容，富有邏輯性，續寫完整，與原文情境融洽度高；

2.使用了多樣且恰當的詞匯和語法結構，表達流暢，語言錯誤很少，