Lesson52MudismudWhydidHarrydecidetogiveuphislittlegame?Mycousin,Harry,keepsalargecuriously-shapedbottleonpermanentdisplayinhisstudy.Despitethefactthatthebottleistintedadelicateshadeofgreen,anobservantvisitorwouldsoonnoticethatitisfilledwithwhatlookslikeathick,greyishsubstance.IfyouweretoaskHarrywhatwasinthebottle,hewouldtellyouthatitcontainedperfumedmud.Ifyouexpresseddoubtorsurprise,hewouldimmediatelyinviteyoutosmellitandthentorubsomeintoyourskin.Thisbriefexperimentwoulddispelanyfurtherdoubtsyoumighthave.Thebottlereallydoescontainperfumedmud.HowHarrycameintothepossessionofthisoutlandishstuffmakesaninterestingstorywhichheisfondofrelating.Furthermore,theacquisitionofthisbottlecuredhimofabadhabithehadbeendevelopingforyears.Harryusedtoconsideritagreatjoketogointoexpensivecosmeticshopsandmakeoutrageousrequestsforgoodsthatdonotexist.Hewouldinventfancifulnamesonthespot.Onenteringashop,hewouldaskforanewperfumecalled‘ScentedShadow’orfor‘insolublebathcubes’.Ifashopassistanttoldhimshehadnotheardofit,hewouldpretendtobeconsiderablyputout.Helovedtobetoldthatoneofhisimaginaryproductswastemporarilyoutofstockandhewouldfaithfullypromisetocallagainatsomefuturedate,butofcourseheneverdid.HowHarrymanagedtokeepastraightfaceduringtheseperformancesisquitebeyondme.Harrydoesnotneedtobepromptedtoexplainhowheboughthispreciousbottleofmud.Oneday,hewenttoanexclusiveshopinLondonandaskedfor‘Myrolite’.TheshopassistantlookedpuzzledandHarryrepeatedtheword,slowlystressingeachsyllable.Whenthewomanshookherheadinbewilderment,Harrywentontoexplainthat‘myrolite’wasahard,amber-likesubstancewhichcouldbeusedtoremovefreckles.Thisexplanationevidentlyconveyedsomethingtothewomanwhosearchedshelfaftershelf.Sheproducedallsortsofweirdconcoctions,butnoneofthemmetwithHarry'srequirements.WhenHarryputonhisactofbeingmildlyannoyed,theassistantpromisedtoordersomeforhim.Intoxicatedbyhissuccess,Harrythenaskedforperfumedmud.Heexpectedtheassistanttolookathiminblankastonishment.However,itwashisturntobesurprised,forthewoman'seyesimmediatelylitupandshefetchedseveralbottleswhichsheplacedonthecounterforHarrytoinspect.Foronce,Harryhadtoadmitdefeat.Hepickedupwhatseemedtobethesmallestbottleanddiscreetlyaskedtheprice.Hewasgladtogetawaywithameretwentypoundsandhebeatahastyretreat,clutchingthepreciousbottleunderhisarm.Fromthenon,Harrydecidedthatthislittlegamehehadinventedmightprovetobeexpensive.Thecuriousbottle,whichnowadornsthebookcaseinhisstudy,washisfirstandlastpurchaseofrarecosmetics.Topicsfordiscussion1Tellusaboutthelasttimeyouwentshopping.2Ifyouwantedtoopenashopinthiscountrytoattractforeigntourists,wh