Whataredetails?1.feelingsdescribedbyactions2.descriptionsofnaturalsetting3.descriptionsofbodylanguage4.accuratewords5.appropriatesentencepatternsToshowORTotellToshow:Thelittlegirl'seyesweresparklingwithhope.(sparkle:toshineinsmallbrightflashes)Totell:Thelittlegirlwashopeful.(hopeful:believingthatwhatyouhopeforislikelytohappen)Whataredetails?ToshowORTotellToshow:towritewithmoresensorydetails,allowingyourreaderstohear,see,taste,touchandsmellthesamethingsyourcharactersareexperiencing.Totell:tointroucethestorywiththeplainlanguage,allowingyourreadertograspthegeneralideaofthestoryandjustknowwhathappened.1.feelingsdescribedbyactions2.descriptionsofnaturalsetting3.descriptionsofbodylanguage4.accuratewords5.appropriatesentencepatternsToshowNotTotell??Whataredetails?1.feelingsdescribedbyactions2.descriptionsofnaturalsetting3.descriptionsofbodylanguage4.accuratewords5.appropriatesentencepatterns1.Heglaredatmewithburningeyes.2.Shesobbed,hidingherfaceinherhands.3.Hecoveredhismouthtohidehisyawn.4.Myheartbegantoraceandmymindwentblank5.Sheroseandtookatentativestepbackward.6.Hereyestwinkledwithexcitement.7.Thesmileonherfaceshonelikeadiamond.Feelingsdescribedbyactions1.Heglaredatmewithburningeyes.2.Shesobbed,hidingherfaceinherhands.3.Hecoveredhismouthtohidehisyawn.4.Myheartbegantoraceandmymindwentblank.5.Sheroseandtookatentativestepbackward.6.Hereyestwinkledwithexcitement.7.Thesmileonherfaceshonelikeadiamond.angry/annoyedsadtirednervoustentative/cautiousexcitedhappyTELLFeelingsdescribedbyactions1.Soquitewasitinthehallthattheboyhadtosaytohismotherabouthisquestions.2.Theinjuredmanwaslyingontheground,callingwithatinyvoice.1.Soquitewasitinthehallthattheboyhadtowhispertohismotherabouthisquestions.2.Theinjuredmanwaslyingontheground,moaningwithatinyvoice.totelltoshowFeelingsdescribedbyactionsTotell:happyToshow:Whensheknewtheresultofthetest,shefeltextremely__________________hereyestwinkledwith____________________(興奮極了)Herheartwasbrimming(v.盛滿)over___________________(喜悅)Hewaswellstirredup(激動，煽動)now,______________.(神采奕奕)Shewaswalkingon_____aftershefoundoutshewontheawardWhenthehostannouncedthatshewontheprizeawide____________(激動之情)tookholdofher.Feelingsdescribedbyactionsexcited/thrilled/joyfulexcitement/thrill/joyhappiness/joy/pleasureingoodspirtsexcitementairTotell:frightenedToshow:Heturnedtome,withhiseyesfullof_______________________(恐懼)Herfaceturned_________________(慘白)andstoodtheretongue-tied.She___________________(渾身顫抖)allover,feelinglikesittingonpinsandneedles.Myheartseemedto_____________outofmythroat,mylegsweretooweaktostandandIalmost_____________downseveraltimes.Feelingsdescribedbyactionsterror/horror/fright/fearpale/ashen-facedshook/trembled/quiverjump/bouncefell/tumbledTotell:sadToshow:Shebrokeupwithherhusbandandshefeltextremelysadandshewasovercome(由某種情緒控制)with_________________________(悲傷)Myheartseemedtobe______________________(撕裂;碎了)Thelonelinessandgrief(悲傷)comesin__________(涌上心頭)Hestoodsilentlytears_________________(流下)downhischeeksIfeellikeIam_________________(漂浮)inanoceanofsadnessTheywereimmersed(沉浸,浸沒)in________________.(悲痛)Feelingsdescribedbyactionssadness/sorrow/grief/depressiontorn/broken/shatteredwavesrolling/streamingfloating/driftingdespair/melancholyTotell:surpriseToshow:Eyebrowswereslightlyliftedupwhichcannothidehis_____________________________(驚訝)Hissightwas________(目不轉(zhuǎn)睛)towhathehadseenandhiseyeballswaslikelytofallHeopenedhismouthasiftherewerebillionsofwordswhatwould________(涌出來)outatoncebutactuallynovoicewasmadeFeelingsdescribedbyactionsamazementsurprise/astonishmentgluedflood/pourTotell:angryandnervousToshow:Hearingthenews,hegotvery_____________________.Hearingthenews,hewasfilledwith

_______________.Hestandsaloneinasteaming______(怒不可遏)Herreply_________(火上澆油)hisangerandhe_______likeavolcano.Atthetheater_____________(緊張感)overtookmeasirealizedhowmuchIwanttomakemyparentsproud.Theunexpectedandsuddenmemory____________(使驚慌失措)her.Feelingsdescribedbyactionsangry/annoyed/furiousanger/wrath/furyragefuelederuptednervousnesspanickedWhatelsecanyouthinkofwhenusingactionstodescribefeelingvivdly?ThinkingShewalkedcarefullyalongthestream,......Janetookoffheryellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaandtellthemiftheycamebackagain.Howcanweshowtheminsteadoftellingthem?She

herwaycarefullyalongthestream,......Janetookoffheryellowblouse,thinkingthatsheshouldgotoanopenareaand

themiftheycamebackagain.Select

specificverbs

tomakeactionsvividsoughtpickedinchedfeltsignalwaveflag??Asthefirstdayofourtripapproached,mybrotherandIunwillinglysaidgood-byetoallofourfriends.Finally,themomentofourdeparturearrived,andweloadedsuitcases,books,games,campingequipment,andatentintothecarandbravelydroveoff.

Add

adverbstomaketheactionimpressive.casuallyunwillingly

aimlesslybravely

1.Onefall,mywifeElliandIhadasinglegoal:tophotographpolarbears.Wewerestayingataresearchcampoutside“thepolarbearcapitaloftheworld”—thetownofChurchillinManitoba,Canada.2.Takingpicturesofpolarbearsisamazingbutalsodangerous.Polarbears—likeallwildanimals—shouldbephotographedfromasafedistance.WhenI’mfacetofacewithapolarbear,Ilikeittobethroughacamerawithatelephotolens.Butsometimes,thatiseasiersaidthandone.Thiswasoneofthosetimes.3.AsElliandIcookeddinner,ayoungmalepolarbearwhowasplayinginanearbylakesniffed,andsmelledourgarlicbread.4.Thehungrybearfollowedhisnosetoourcamp,whichwassurroundedbyahighwirefence.Hepulledandbitthewire.Hestoodonhisbacklegsandpushedatthewoodenfenceposts.Feelingsdescribedbyactions

5.Terrified,ElliandItriedallthebeardefenseactionsweknew.Weyelledatthebear,hitpotshard,andfiredblankshotgunshellsintotheair.Sometimesloudnoiseslikethesewillscarebearsoff.Notthispolarbearthough-hejustkepttryingtoteardownthefencewithhismassivepaws(爪子).6.Iradioedthecampmanagerforhelp.Hetoldmeahelicopterwasonitsway,butitwouldbe30minutesbeforeitarrived.Makingthebestofthiscloseencounter(相遇),Itooksomepicturesofthebear.7.ElliandIfearedthefencewouldn'tlastthrough30moreminutesofthebear'spunishment.ThecampmanagersuggestedIusepepperspray.Thesprayburnsthebears'eyes,butdoesn'thurtthem.SoIapproachedouruninvitedguestslowlyand,throughthefence,sprayedhimintheface.Withanangryroar（吼叫）,thebearrantothelaketowashhiseye.FeelingsdescribedbyactionsWritingParagraph1:Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.______Paragraph2:Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.________________思路一本文主要講述了人與熊對抗，之后成功脫險的故事。主人公的感情線變化為：興奮渴望→驚恐→放松。劇情線以主人公如何與北極熊周旋并成功擺脫它展開。由第一段的段首提示句可知：幾分鐘后，熊又回到營地。接下來可通過場景渲染，描寫當時令人顫栗驚恐的畫面，例如“Roarsandscreamspiercedthesilencewithneedle-likeshrillness.”這不僅合理地描寫了熊的反應(yīng)，也描繪出讓人戰(zhàn)栗的場景。由第二段的段首提示句可知：此時，直升機到了。如果想要進行續(xù)寫兩段的合理銜接，第一段的結(jié)尾可描寫成“Afterthoroughlyscrutinizingthearea,thebeartrottedforwardafewsteps.”這樣可以營造出危急的場景。“我們”看到直升機的到來，感到絕處逢生的喜悅，可以以人物心理描寫作為第二段的開頭，重點描寫喜極而泣的狀態(tài)，例如“MyheartleapedwithjoyasIknewwewerelikelytobesaved.”最后，結(jié)尾部分需要迅速收束，并說明成功逃脫的結(jié)局。關(guān)于畫線詞：Elli作為女主人公，是續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)的畫線詞，noises,pictures,fence,spray與熊有關(guān)，也在兩段續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中出現(xiàn)。最終，兩人回歸安全狀態(tài)，因此畫線詞safe也可自然而然地出現(xiàn)在續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中。由此劃分畫線詞，可迅速鎖定需使用的畫線詞范圍，輔助構(gòu)思。Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.

Roarsandscreamspiercedthesilencewithneedle-likeshrillness.The

noises

turned

Elli

andIpalewithhorror.Ifearedthatthegiantwoulddestroyourwhole

fence.Heroaredrepeatedly,shattering

whatwasleftofthesilence.Elliseizedthisopportunitytotakesome

pictures

ofthebear.Theanimal’snoisesechoedallaroundus.Webetrayedourfeelingsbyhuddling

together,shiveringwithfear.Afterthoroughlyscrutinizing

thearea,hetrotted

forwardafewsteps.Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.

MyheartleapedwithjoyasIknewwewere

likelytobesaved.Elli

usedpepper

spray

againtobuyusenoughtime.Butthistimethebearbecamemorealert.He

regarded

uswiththemercilessnecessityofhunger,sowethrowallthefoodwehave.Hethenturnedawayandstarteddevouring.Aswewereclimbingtheropeladder,Elliprayedlikeathousandtimestoshowthankfulnessofbeingsafe

andsound.（154詞，21分）思路二由第一段的段首句可知，熱愛攝影的“我”和妻子Elli處于危險之中——北極熊再次向他們靠近了，表明情況不容樂觀。而第二段的首句明確了救援的直升機終于趕來，一切就此出現(xiàn)了轉(zhuǎn)機。所以在構(gòu)思時，越是將第一段寫得危急，就越能與后面的轉(zhuǎn)折形成鮮明對比，增加故事性。因此，聯(lián)系前文背景，續(xù)寫第一段可以先描寫熊的動向和作者的心理，之后描寫作者的應(yīng)對舉措。由前文和段首句分析可知，胡椒噴霧并未阻擋熊繼續(xù)靠近，反而激怒了它。而“我”作為攝影師，看到拍攝對象不斷進入自己的取景范圍不禁想要立刻實現(xiàn)夢想去拍攝，然而求生的本能讓“我”無暇他顧。后面采取的措施可以是作者急中生智，決定和妻子把面包給熊來拖延時間等待救援。而眼看著可怕的熊在不斷靠近，面包也即將耗盡。至此，作者夫婦二人幾乎陷入絕境。這一部分可以進行生動的描寫讓作者的心理刻畫更為生動，例如“Whileitwasloominglikeadarkcloud...”。第二段首，直升飛機抵達，至此，可以進一步渲染危急的場景，繼續(xù)描寫熊的動作，例如猛擊柵欄。在描寫完二人獲救后，結(jié)尾呼應(yīng)前文，作者一路有驚無險，成功用相機拍到夢寐以求的照片，不虛此行。關(guān)于畫線詞：Elli作為女主人公，是續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)的畫線詞，除此以外，spray的提及可呼應(yīng)前文，交代故事發(fā)展，photograph,camera可以直接呼應(yīng)“我”采取的一些行動，bread是我們想到的解決方案，fence與熊相關(guān)。由此展開畫線詞，保證了故事的合理性。

Afewminuteslater,thebearheadedbacktoourcamp.

Hecouldnotresistthetemptationofthebread.Thepepper

spray

hadslowedthebearbutwasn’tenoughtostopthebeast.Onthecontrary,itprovokedthebearandmadehimeven

morefurious.MuchasIwantedto

photograph

theapproachingbear,mysurvivalinstinctovertookmydesiretocapturetheperfectphoto.Inamomentofpanic,

Elli

andIdecidedtogivehimwhathewanted—thegarlic

bread.Whileitwasloominglikeadarkcloud,wethrewthebreadatthebearalittlebitatatimeuntilithad

run

out.Atthatverymoment,thehelicopterarrived.

Buttheirritatedbearhasalreadystartedtowhackthe

fence.Ifearedthatthebearwouldteardownthefenceatanyminute.Luckily,therangerscametoourrescue.Theymanagedtocalmthebeardownanddistracthimwithsomesortofacoustics.Eventhoughmyheartwasstillthumpingwildlyinsidemychest,Isnatchedmy

camera

andsnappedonelastshotofthebear,aphotothatIhadalwayslongedtocapture.Thoughriskingmylife,I’vegotthebestpictureeverandit’sallworthit.

（200詞，22分）思路三續(xù)寫兩段中，故事的劇情在第一段結(jié)尾達到高潮，之后開始回落；可以推測主人公的情緒呈現(xiàn)出緊張→驚恐→松一口氣→徹底放松的變化。第一段北極熊返回后，可以通過熊的新一輪進攻引出劇情，隨著熊的攻擊愈發(fā)猛烈，主人公需要采取新方法避險。例如，可以描寫熊再次攻擊柵欄，“我”如何使用隨身物品應(yīng)對進攻，保護自己和妻子的安全。同時也可以描寫妻子的動作和情緒，烘托場面的危急。通過“我”與熊的動作交替，在第一段最后一句將人與熊的矛盾推至最大。第二段直升機到來后，可以描寫“我”避險的動作，例如立刻調(diào)轉(zhuǎn)方向跑回營地。之后利用直升機的優(yōu)勢解決問題，如利用螺旋槳發(fā)出的巨大聲響嚇退經(jīng)驗不足的北極熊。結(jié)尾處呼應(yīng)開頭，總結(jié)作者此行的目的是否達成。關(guān)于畫線詞：Elli作為女主人公，是續(xù)寫內(nèi)容中應(yīng)該出現(xiàn)的畫線詞，除此以外，fence的描寫與熊相關(guān)，“我”