讀后續寫練習寫作指導APoorTurtle讀后續寫（滿分25分）閱讀卜.面材料,根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的150詞左右的短文。1wasonafamilyvacationandoiuhotelwasriglitbesidetliesea.IwasreadingmybookbythebeachoneafternoonwlienIlieardsomenoisenearby.Curiously,Iputasidethebookandjoinedthegroupofpeopleneartlieedgeoftliesea.IwasstnickbywhatIsaw.Tlierewasagiantturtlewliicliwasupsidedown!Fomofitshugefeetwerewavingcrazilyintheail.anditslongwrinkledneckwasstietchuigfaroutofitsshell.Athickropewastiedaroundtheturtleandthefishennanheldontotheendofit.Obviously,theturtlewastryingtoescape.Somestanders-bywereclickingtheircamerasenthusiastically,fibningtheexcitingmoment.Thecrowdwastluilledbytliescenebeforethem.Onestiongly-builtman（blindapieceofwoodonthesand,carriedittowardstlieturtleandstalledpushingtheturtle'sheadwithit.Whentheendofthewoodtouchedtheturtle'shead,theturtletookitintoitsmouthandcheweditupinaninstant.“Wow!”thecrowdshouted."Didyouseethat?I'mgladitwasn'tmyarm!''apersonfromthecrowdexclaimed.*fcWaittillitgetssoldandbecomesturtlemeat!''anotlierjokedandtliecrowdlauglied.Suddenly.Iheaidaboy'sscreaming,fc*Ceasetorturingit!Getawayfiomthetmtle!',Weallturnedandsawaboyandhisfatliernuuiiiigtowardvvlieiewewere."Allofyouarecnielfbijuststandingtliereanddoingnotliingtosavetheturtle!Wouldyoulikeitifyouwerefbrceftillytakenawayfiomyourhomestobesoldandtortured?Animalsdeservetobetreatedwithkindnesstoo!''theboyshoutedatthegroupofadultsstandingonthebeach.Isensedasliglitchangeofmoodintliecrowd-amixtiueofimeaseandanger.注意：.續寫詞數應為150左右；.請按如卜.格式在答題后的相應位置作答。Embarrassedasthefatherwas,hewasnotashamedofhisson.Thefishennaiifinallyagreedtoletthetiullego.【第一稿批改與反饋】

七6士。：廣1D_S?ed、U_S僅1已/q±Jir「^7CJ-￡,K山公r.rrtD.jdiRdl、I0["w§cn、刀吊乩HiSAi>.ni^rtroAjk^人士Scr^^3、，h之丈ss電“八虱七卜巳cmyiah>Ms心&s電“八虱七卜巳s電“八虱七卜巳cmyiah>Ms心&必iR?SVpL若/；5吁九；1記7"它rlca~tx；k￡上Mol”白ca~tx；k￡上Mol”白_hT也?'饋

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?我電呂電N網一廣個差區沁a八比k冊匚1M,j*工上弓^ocJw,七$&F°°M&Aw：艮2At-h^ir,］口聲此jt<x>oUr/M/比；仆利以已頭3h&art.nt&re.ar.cl必力需p3評Ie八去七盤?：|弗兒丁"品0斤1戊”、,4e以一七3Ut-城匕七wr七Ed。，5上叼如,似亦必：.螃異?-貨蛻四5上叼如,似亦必：.螃異?-貨蛻四「"to|心eGkLwh；17k優以‘am”八兒產工好a&j加希訃俎八cdl員//以a嗎'j…:指'”、電svQ，以說tMaGmk.小皿協皿飾會3-?7出內逸”laws1、兩段從字數上看，也確實不達標。因此在細節描寫上，很難深入，故事主旨也只是泛泛而談，不夠發人深省。2、語言的小錯誤也挺讓人抓狂的：?摸摸某人的頭：strokeone'shead要去掉on。?catch的過去分詞應該是caught—小伙子暑假放得太“爽”了，回來要加點“料”了。?被嘲笑應該是bemadefunofof不能省略。?虛擬語氣whatifyouweretheturtle與現實相反的虛擬，be動詞用were。?句子開頭第一個字母要大寫，千萬別忘記。?口寸態要上下文保持一致，join要變成joined.【第二稿批改與反饋】

如、“如、“久?O如、“久?O弧Jcctfer以怒，加吸s物tcu/wept域如、“久?Ohehemanneedectmo/i昭?riWd.hiihterr邛teZ4,旭如廣s血如.ancLsaid從沆^g%ies&火：心,軸網小加所以勿溫服切砒樂0版Ac”instoned野Jo八小加尿才后hemanneedectmo/i昭?riWd.hiihterr邛teZ4,旭如廣s血如.ancLsaid從沆^g%ies&火：心,軸網小加所以勿溫服切砒樂0版Ac”instoned野Jo八小加尿才后s期吧施砌唱㈣必/修巳,aaJOLVe寸印式￡1加中A拓加ie-frvm跖。cUey吮儼ito十兒以比，1^，但經切血也j遍怠忘鈍巴ar\cLjozAecl戒，也必ter0創s%!wmd@七局5noi產crtqf監＞3Tke怙扇7W八fMa如緡空4七0既方能iurtUgo.SeeAg-t/uzt（xrtfc苧七而明r；cL。「曲巧也）a兒即】'罔smile,cnciecL°八慮剛￡柩念,Somo詼t⑷酷工加施瓦眩旗產s山優。八《3M吆生耽工CjyM^-t3加H歷此0m'/儂'a瓜兄恥的施，風少切玳1卜電此血七.幾血地eq血§吸，/磁機防「ad加6處陽/cctartb■工guarun我2工試心力但叱a*nah如曲濟蘇p今o(5fr麗cfc、一、咱們先來看一下故事情節發展：本文以人物為事情發展的順序為線索展開，講述了作者和家人在海邊度假時，看到一個漁夫正在折磨一只海龜，他將一根粗繩子綁在海龜身上，抓住它的尾巴，海龜四腳朝天，在苦苦掙扎。周圍一群人在拍照，看笑話。突然，一個小男孩站出來，斥責漁夫和人們，并讓漁夫將海龜放了的故事。二、段落續寫：1、由第一段首句內容“盡管父親很尷尬，但他并不以兒子為恥。”可知，第一段可描寫父親贊同兒子的做法，也站出來，讓漁夫將海龜放了。2、由第二段首句內容“最終，漁夫同意放了海龜。”可知，第二段可描寫漁夫將海龜放了，小男孩感到很高興。三、故事脈絡：Para1:父親贊同兒子一一父親站出來，讓漁夫放了海龜一一作者也站出來一一人們都開始站出來讓漁夫放了海龜Para2:漁夫放了海龜一一人群散去一一小男孩看著海龜游走，很高興一一作者感動。那么，我們來看看這位同學的第一段該怎么去提升一下：,Embarrassedasthefatherwas,hewasnotashamedofhisson.Helookedaroundthecrowd,heavedadeepsighofdisappointmentandinsistedthatthefishermanshouldlettheturtlegofreelytothesearatherthantortureorteaseit.Uponhearingthefather'swords,thefishermanapparentlylookedirritated,hishandsgrabbingthegiantturtlemoretightly.Ibegantojointhefatherandson,echoedbackthegoodideaandrequestedforthereleaseoftheturtle.Withmoreandmorestanders-bysupportingfatherandson,thesceneseemedoverwhelminglymoving.第二段寫得很棒哦?.Thefishermanfinallyagreedtolettheturtlego.Seeingtheturtlegettingridoftherope,abeamingsmilecrackedontheboy'sface.SomovedwasIbytheboy'sresponsibilityandkindnessthatIcouldn'tcontaintobloomabroadandbrightsmile.Neverwi11Iforgetthatontheedgeofthesea,thefatherandsonsavedaturtle.IguaranteeIwilltreatanimalswithkindnessasfriends.修改后的范文Embarrassedasthefatherwas,hewasnotashamedofhi$son.Helookedaroundthecrowd,heavedadeepsighofdisappointmentandinsistedthatthefishermanshouldlettheYturtlegofreelytothesearatherthantortureorteaseit.Uponhearingthefatherswords,thefishermanapparentlylookedirritated,hishandsgrabbingthegiantturtlemoretightly.jbegantojointhefatherandson,echoedbackthegoodideaandrequestedforthereleaseoftheturtle.|愀由moreandmorestanders-bysupportingfatherandson,thesceneseemedoverwhelminglymoving.moving.Thefishermanfinallyagreedtolettheturtlego.moving.Thefishermanfinallyagreedtolettheturtlego.beamingsmilecrackedontheboy/sface.)Bo[Seeingtheturtlegettingridoftherope,amovedwasIbythebo/sresponsibilityandkindnessthatIcouldn'tcontaintobloomabroadandbrightsmile]NeverwillIforgetthatontheedgeofmoving.Thefishermanfinallyagreedtolettheturtlego.beamingsmilecrackedontheboy/sface.)Bo[Seeingtheturtlegettingridoftherope,amovedwasIbythebo/sresponsibilityandkindnessthatIcouldn'tcontaintobloomabroadandbrightsmile]NeverwillIforgetthatontheedgeofthesea,thefatherandsonsavedaturtleJguaranteeIwilltreatanimalswithkindnesssincetheyharmony.areourfriendsandwehumansshouldlivewiththemonthesameplanetin點評:harmony.1、對于續寫的把握，總體上還是挺有感覺的。尤其是第二段，非常給力。2、在遣詞造句時，莫亞可以把自己放在那個特定的情境中，然后采用課文已經學過的表達，把情境描述出來。之前背誦的語料庫、句型都將是你取材的“寶庫”。自己臨時編寫的句子，可能會有很多不通暢、不切合實際的問題存在。3、學以致用。【參考作文】參考作文寫得很精彩，可以多品味幾次，了解它的用詞用句的精妙。Embarrassedasthefatherwas,hewasnotashamedofhisson."Iapologizedformyson'srudeness.Heisjuststandingupforwhathebelievesin,somethingthatItaughthimtodo.Pleaselettheturtlego,“hesaid,addressingthecrowd.Icould