1、英語笑話及翻譯Distance from the accidentA carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six and one half inches"."What? How come you are so sure of that distance?", as

2、ked the judge."Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.距事故的距離一個木匠為一個目擊的事故做證詞.法官問他與事故發生地方的距離有多遠.這個木匠回答道:"27英尺6.5英寸遠.""什么?你怎么對這個距離如此肯定?"這個法官問道."噢,我知道有些白癡會問我,所以我測量了一下."這個木匠回答道.稱重An irritated woman burst into the baker's

3、shop and said:"I sent my son in for 2 pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales."The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied:"Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your son."一個女人怒氣沖沖的闖進面

4、包店，說：“今早上我讓我兒子買了2磅的餅干，但是當我稱它們的時候卻只有一磅了。我覺得你的稱有問題”。面包師鎮定的看了看女人，說：“女士，我覺得您該回去稱一稱您的兒子”Trouble you again A robust-lookinggentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, &quo

5、t;how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?""I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter."Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid

6、I'll have to trouble you again."再次麻煩你 一個看起來很健壯的紳士在一個很貴的餐廳吃完精致的早餐并且喝了一些拿破侖白蘭地。然后他叫來服務生領班，“你還記得嗎？”他愉快的說道，“大概一年以前，我在這里像這樣就餐，然后因為我付不起帳，你把我想乞丐一樣扔進排水溝里” “非常抱歉先生”后悔的服務生領班說道。 “噢，那非常不錯”這個客人道，“但是 我恐怕還得再麻煩你一次。”詞匯：1、gutter n.排水溝，臭水溝；2、bum n. 二流子，乞丐；3、headwaiter n.領班丈夫和妻子Wife: You tell a man something,

7、it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.Husband: You tell a woman something. It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.妻子：你給男人說點事，他左耳朵進，右耳朵出。(轉身就給忘了)丈夫：你給女人說點事，她兩個耳朵都聽進去了，可是從嘴里出來了。 你吹牛吧！The little John taught his parrot to speak "follow me to say that I can walk.""I can wa

8、lk." said the parrot following."I can speak.""I can speak." The parrot simulatedas almost the same as he did."I can fly." "You talk big." The parrot said without thinking for a while.You talk big小約翰教他的鸚鵡說話“跟我說，我會走路.""我會走路”鸚鵡跟著說。“我會說話。”“我會說話。”鸚鵡模

9、仿的和他說的幾乎一模一樣。“我會飛。”“你吹牛吧。”鸚鵡不假思索地說。相關詞匯解析：1.parrot n.鸚鵡；2.simulate vt.模仿 Five years experience and imaginationSeveral weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office."What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for

10、 the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.""Well," the young man said, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."5年經驗和豐富想像力只上了幾周班的年輕人被叫到了人事主管的辦公室。“這是什么意思？”主管問到“你應聘這從份工作的時候，你告訴我們，你

11、有五年的經驗。現在我們確發現，這是你的第一份工作。”“是的”。年輕人說，“你在應聘廣告中說到，你想要的是一個有想像力的員工呀！”ProposalAn enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal."Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend."Your chances ar

12、e better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."求婚一位非常富有的男人在他65歲的愛上了一位20歲的年輕女孩，他打算向她求婚。“你認為如果我告訴她我現在45歲她會答應嫁給我嗎？”他問他的一個朋友。 他的朋友回答：“如果你告訴她你現在90歲的話，你成功的機率會更大。”相關詞匯解析：1.proposal n.求婚；（還有建議，提案等，之前有學過了，大家還記得嗎？） 2.enormouslyadj.巨大的，龐大的； .contemplate vt. 預期，計劃We Left NothingMrs B

13、rown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door:NOBODY HOME. DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING.When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:THANKS! WE HA

14、VEN'T LEFT ANYTHING!We Left Nothing布朗太太這天出門，走之前在門上訂了個便條給送奶工：屋里沒人，什么都不用留。晚上當她回家的時候，她發現她的門已經被砸開，屋子被洗劫一空。在她留的便條上，她發現被加一行留言：謝謝！我們什么都沒留下！遲了四十年An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggeredoff the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman."Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at the wrong house.""Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy as