DEALING

WITH

ABUSE

GloriaTrotman,PhDPastorJansenTrotman

InterAmericanDivisionDefinitionDomesticviolenceandabuse,alsocalledintimatepartnerviolencetakesplacewhenonepersondeliberatelycausesphysical,ormentalharmtoanother.Thisincludesphysicalorpsychologicalabuse,sexualassault,isolationorcontrolofavictim’smoney,home,etc.Anyonecanbeanabuserif...YouwereabusedasachildYouwitnessedabuse/violencewhenyouweregrowingupYouareasubstanceabuserYouwereraisedinahomewherefemalesweretoldthattheyareinferiorandmalesweretaughtthattheyhadtherightandauthoritytodominatewomenAnyonecanbeanabuserif...YouarehighlystressedandhavepoorparentingskillsYousufferfromalackofempathyAnyonecanbeanabusevictimif..YouarefromafamilyinwhichtherewasabuseYouwereabusedasachildYouhavecertainbeliefs/behaviorsthatpredisposeyoutobecomingavictimYouhavelowesteemAnyonecanbeanabusevictimif...YoucraveacceptanceYouhavebeenavictimbeforeYouareisolatedfromfamily/friendsYouareconstantlycontrolled,threatened,blamed,criticizedbytheabuserMajorCategoriesofAbusePhysicalabuseinvolvesaggressivebehaviortowardsthevictim’sbody:pushing,pinching,spitting,kicking,etcPsychologicalabuse(emotional)includesconsistentandharshcriticism,degrading,belittling,andname-calling.Itcanalsoincludeverbalthreats,episodesofrage.MajorCategoriesofAbuseSexualabusereferstoinappropriatetouching,verbalremarks;incest,molestation,rape,oral/genitalcontactorthefondlingofbreastsorgenitals;insistingthatthevictimtouchtheperpetrator’sbody.

PhysicalElderAbuse

IgnoringtheelderlypersonIsolatinganelderfromfriendsoractivitiesTerrorizingormenacingtheelderlypersonNeglectorabandonmentbycaregiversFinancialexploitationStalking“Anyunwantedcontactbetweenastalkerandtheirvictim,whichdirectlyorindirectlycommunicatesathreat,orplacesthevictiminfear.”NationalCenterforVictimsofCrimeStalking.Morethan3millionAmericanwomen(18–24years),arestalkedeachyear.ChicagoTribune.

DatingViolenceAboutonein11teensreportsbeingavictimofphysicaldatingabuseeachyear.

Aboutoneinfourteensreportsverbal,physical,emotionalorsexualabuseeachyear.Theoveralloccurrenceofdatingviolenceishigheramongblack(13.9%)thanHispanic(9.3%)orwhite(7.0%)students.StepstoRecoverythevictimGethelp.Seeadoctor.Gotoacounselor.Stayawayfrompredators.Watchdiet,exercise,sleep,andstudyyourBible.Stayawayfromchildrenandpossiblevictims.Diet,exerciseandgetsleep.Findabuddy—onetowhomyoucanbeaccountable.StepstoRecoverythevictimStillMoreStepstoRecovery

TheAbuserBehonestwithyourselfGetcounseling.StudyyourBible,attendchurchregularlyandpray“withoutceasing.”StillMoreStepstoRecovery

TheAbuserAvoidallmaterials(music,movies,internet,etc)relatedtoviolence/abuse.Becarefulwithyourchoiceoffriends.RelyonGodforstrength.

Phil.4:13RememberthatGodisabletokeepyou.Jude24

WhatRoleShouldtheChurchPlay?Educationofthechurch,includingparentsandchildrenScreeningofvolunteerswhoworkwithchildrenProtectionpoliciesforchildrenReportingallformsofabuseWhatRoleShouldtheChurchPlay?DealingwithperpetratorsAdvocacyforallvictimsCounselingBefamiliarwiththeofficialstatementoftheSDAChurchonviolence.HowCantheChurchHelptheVictim?TeachvictimsthatitisOKtoadmittheproblemandfacethetruth.Teachvictimstoidentifyandmanagetheiremotions.Teachvictimstoidentifyandmanagetheirfeelingsofshame.HowCantheChurchHelptheVictim?Teachthevictimstoplacetheblamewhereitbelongs—ontheperpetrator.Teachthemtokeepawayfromtheperpetratorandrecognizedangeroussituations.HowCantheChurchHelptheVictim?Preparevictimstogetoutoftheabusiverelationship.Teachvictimstosetbarriers.Providecounseling.EncouragevictimstoclaimGod’spromisesandstrengthforthefuture.HowCantheChurchHelpthePerpetrator?Teachhim/hertoadmithis/herbehavior,andacceptthatpunishmentisdeserved.Keephim/heroutofactivitiesthatinvolveworkingwithpossiblevictims.HowCantheChurchHelpthePerpetrator?Providecounseling.Thisisoneofthemostimportantcontributionsthechurchcanmaketotheabusedandabusers.HowCantheChurchHelpthePerpetrator?Teachtheimportanceofshunningpornographicandviolentmaterial.PresentGodasforgivingandurgeconfessionofsinstoGod.Encouragetheperpetratortojoinasupportgroup.HopeforAll…

TeachvictimstoacceptthepowerofGod’srestoration,andtomakeadecisiontoenjoyarenewedlife.

“Speakupforthosewhocannotspeakforthemselves;fortherightsofallwhoaredestitute.”

Proverbs31:8CONCLUSIONWhenweloveworkingwithandfortheabusedandsuf