Unit4(Para.1) Inthelastfewcenturies,marriagehasbeenconnectedtoromanticlove. kindof packagedealisnoteasytomaintainandindeedmanypeoplefailwhiletryingtodoso.Nevertheless,mostpeoplestillpursuethisdeal.Thisisanothertypeofparadoxassociatedwithmarriage.(Para.2)Someofthemaindifficultiesofthispackagedealarethefollowing:(a)inmodernsociety,marriageisnolongeruniqueinfulfillingtaskssuchasraisingchildrenandenhancingone’sstatusandfinancialsituation,(b)long-termromanticrelationshipsareproblematicinthattheylacksignificantchanges,whicharesomeaningfultoemotionsingeneralandlove inparticular,and(c)thegreaterflexibilityofromanticboundariesinmodernsocietymakeithardertomaintainstrictemotionalconnectionsandconstraints,suchasthoserecommendedinmarriage.(Para.3a) Inmodernsociety,mostofthepenaltiesfordissolvingamarriagehavebeenremovedandmanyoftheincentivesthatmarriageofferscanbeobtainedinothersocialframeworks.Thechoiceofstayingwithinamarriagedepends,therefore,moreontheissueoflovethanonthosetraditionallyuniqueadvantagesofmarriage,suchasraisingchildrenandenhancingone’sstatusandfinancialsituation.(Para.3b)Ifapersonfeelsthatherpresentmaritalrelationshippreventsherfromexperiencinggenuinelove(andfrompersonaldevelopmentandsatisfaction),thereislittleincentiveforhertostayinthemarriage.Thefactthatmostdivorcecasesnow citealackofloveasthereasonforseekingtoendthemarriageindicatesthegreaterimportancethatlovehasincontemporarymarriages.(Para.4a) Romanticrelationshipsconsistofbothchange,whichincreasesexcitement,andfamiliarity,whichenhances commitmentandliking.Thepositiveroleof familiaritymayleadlovetogrowand becomedeeperovertime.However,thelackof noveltymaymaketheelementofpassionlessintense.AsDavidBarashandJudithLiptonputit,“wedon’tnormallyspeakofapassionatemarriage.(Para.4b) Agoodmarriage,ahappymarriage,acomfortableand compatiblemarriage,yes,butonlyrarelyapassionateone.”Theyfurtherarguethatapassionatemarriagewouldbeexhausting, asto“liveinastateof perpetualpassion”wouldbetoforgomuchoftherestoflife,and,intruth,thereareotherthings.Lovecandeepenandbroaden...butitrarelybecomesmorepassionate.(Para.4c) Likewise,sexinlong-termrelationshipmaybelesspassionatebutbecauseoffamiliarityandacquiringbettertechniquesmaybemoresatisfied. Inanycase,stabilityinmarriageandwell-beingarenotoneandthesame:astablemarriagedoesnotnecessarilymeanthatmarriageisparticularly gratifyingorvital.Thereisnogeneralsolutiontotheproblemofthe“right”amountandtypeof changerequiredformoreprofoundandenduringromanticlove.(Para.5) Theproblemofa long-termromanticrelationshipthatusuallylackssignificantchangesisfurtherenhancedinmarriage,whichinvolvesmoreobstaclestoclosepersonalrelationships.Inthelastfewhundredyears,marriagehasbecomepartofapackagedealthatisalsointendedtoincludelove.Themoreindependentthatwebecomeandthemoreflexibleourromanticboundariesare,themoreitbecomesdifficulttotakeonthewholepackage.Onesuchdifficultyisthatlove,andoftenideallove,becomesanecessaryconditionofthedeal.(Para.6a) Inlightofthesechanges,therehasbeenasignificantincrease,overthelastfewdecades,inthepercentageofsinglehouseholdsinmodernsociety. Suchanincreasebynomeanssuggests thatmarriageisdead,butthatagrowingnumberofadultsarespendingmoreoftheirlivessingleorlivingunmarriedwithpartners.Nevertheless,itseemsthatthedesireformarriageremainsstrongandconstant.(Para.6b) Thenewcircumstanceshavesignificantlyincreasedtheautonomyofindividualsandinparticularthatofwomen.Thegreaterindependenceofindividualsweakenstheexpectationforromantic exclusivityofthekindthatinvolvessignificantdependenceuponthepartner.Loverswhodonotlivetogetherseeeachotherforlimitedtimes,donotdependuponeachotherfortheirmajorneeds,andthustheyneednot abidebyanyexternalformaldictatesorconstraints.(Para.7a) Onecharacteristicofmodernsocietyisthatithasbecomeincreasinglyeasiertogetoutofmarriage(oranytypeofromanticrelationship)andtogetintoanewmaritalrelationship(oranyothertypeofromanticrelationship). Inlightofsuchchanges,theframeworkofmarriagehasbeentransformedfromaformal contractualbondwithhardlyanypossibilityoffutureregretintoanagreementthatcanbedissolvedwithouttheneedtofindcause,fault,or justification.(Para.7b) Theagreementisbasedonthedesiresoftheheart,ratherthanonobligatorycommitment.Hence,thereisnoneedtobeashamedoffollowingone’sheartandterminatingthemarriage,oreveninhavinganaffairoftheheart.Inthissense,lovehasacquiredadditionalweightinpersonalrelationships.(Para.8a) Indeed,loveisacquiringevergreaterweightinourdecisionstomaintainourmarriages.Thus,anoverwhelmingmajorityofpeople(over85%ofAmericans)saidthattheywouldnotmarrysomeonetheywerenotinlovewithandabout50%ofAmericansbelievethattheyhavetherighttodivorcewhenromanticlovefades.Theseattitudesexpresstheprofoundwishtocombineromanticlovewithmarriage.(Para.8b) Moreover,a2007ACNielsen’ssurveyindicatesthat70%ofpeoplesurveyedsaidthatmarriageisforlifeand60%saidthatmarriageisoneoftheirlifetimegoals.Althoughtheattitudestowardmarriagearelargelydominatedbyacountry’sculturalandreligiousbeliefs,thewishforastable,longtermrelationshipisstilladesiredgoal.Littlewonderthatmostromanticmoviesendinmarriageorveryclosetoit.(Para.9a) Romanticloveinvolvescommitment,andcommitmentisenforcedbymarriage,whichimposesconstraintsagainstanyreductiontothatcommitment.Inthisway,thechainsofmarriagemayenhancelove. Butinideallove,commitmentisinternal;itdoesnotstemfromexternalandimposedchains,butfrom intrinsicallyvaluableattitudestowardthebeloved.(Para.9b) Thegreatproblemthatthechainsofmarriagegenerateisthattheymaykillnoveltyandchange,whichisofgreatvalueinenhancingpassion.AsStephenMitchellindicates,“Loveandmarriagemaygotogetherlikeahorseandcarriage,butitiscrucialthatthehorseofpassionquicklybe tetheredbytheweightofthecarriageofrespectabilitytopreventrunaways.”However,thechainofthecarriagemaybeunbearableandmaykillthehorse.(Para.10)Inmodernsociety,thegreateravailabilityofloveoutsidemarriagehasforcedpeopletogiveloveamoresignificantplaceinmarriage.Alas,thedurationofeachinstanceofthisloveisoftenlimited.Itisasituationofhavingshorterbuthigherqualityromanticrelationships.Sometimesthehigherqualityprovidesthecircumstancesforlongerrelationships.Thisqualitymayenhancethestrengthofaspecificromanticrelationship,butitmayalsomakeanotherpotentialrelationshipbeperceivedasmoreattractive.(Para.11) Themarital paradoxofpursuinganidealthatoneismostlikelytofailtoachievecouldberesolvedifweweretoacceptthepossibilityofhavingshortermarriages,inwhichloveismorelikelytoremainalive.Anotherwaytosolvetheparadoxwouldbetoacceptthatmarriageshouldessentiallyinvolveacompanionableloveratherthanaromanticone;ifromanticloveandpassionatesexdooccur