雙語笑話及短篇新聞MyHusbandWillBeHomeSoonAmarriedmanwasvisitinghis"girlfriend"whensherequestedthatheshavehisbeard."OhJames,Ilikeyourbeard,butIwouldreallylovetoseeyourhandsomeface."Jamesreplied,"Mywifelovesthisbeard,Icouldn'tpossiblydoit,shewouldkillme!!""Ohplease?"thegirlfriendaskedagain,inasexylittlevoice。"Ohreally,Ican't,"hereplies。"Mywifelovesthisbeard!!"Thegirlfriendaskedoncemore,andhesighsandfinallygivesin.ThatnightJamescrawlsintobedwithhiswifewhileshewassleeping.Thewifeisawakenedsomewhat,feelshisfaceandreplies"OhMichael,youshouldn'tbehere,myhusbandwillbehomesoon!"我丈夫馬上就要回來了一個已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友〞時，女朋友要求他剃去胡須?！班蓿材匪?，我喜愛你的胡子，但我更喜愛看到你英俊的面孔。〞詹姆斯回答說，“我的妻子喜愛我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會殺了我的。〞“噢，我求你了，〞女朋友用一種低落的、性感的聲音又一次說道?！翱墒?，我不能，〞他回答道，“我的妻子喜愛這胡子。〞在女朋友一再請求下，他終于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡時，詹姆斯爬上了床。妻子朦模糊朧地摸了摸他的臉說道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應該在這里，我的丈夫很快就要回來了。〞Whywashefired?Bill:Jonesworkssevenhoursadayandsleepssevenhours.will:Thenwhywashefired?Bill:Becausehedidbothduringthesamesevenhours.他為什么被解雇呢？比爾：瓊斯天天工作7小時，睡覺7小時。威爾：那他為什么被解雇了呢？比爾：因為他在7個小時里同時做這兩件事。6.求英語小故事,短的新聞,笑話等Manyyearsafterreceivingmygraduatedegree,IreturnedtotheStateUniversityofNewYorkatBinghamtonasafacultymember.Onedayinacrowdedelevator,someoneremarkedonitsinefficiency.Isaidtheelevatorshadnotchangedinthe20yearssinceIbeganthereasastudent.Whenthedoorfinallyopened,Ifeltacompassionatepatonmyback,andturnedtoseeanelderlynunsmilingatme."You'llgetthatdegree,dear,"shewhispered."Perseveranceisavirtue."眼看著安達利爾手中的毒霧馬上匯成龍首的模樣，已經退出半步的溫德身子突然一僵，一個念頭在他心底泛了出來：到底該不該將她擋??？MyHusbandWillBeHomeSoonAmarriedmanwasvisitinghis"girlfriend"whensherequestedthatheshavehisbeard."OhJames,Ilikeyourbeard,butIwouldreallylovetoseeyourhandsomeface."Jamesreplied,"Mywifelovesthisbeard,Icouldn'tpossiblydoit,shewouldkillme!!""Ohplease?"thegirlfriendaskedagain,inasexylittlevoice。"Ohreally,Ican't,"hereplies。"Mywifelovesthisbeard!!"Thegirlfriendaskedoncemore,andhesighsandfinallygivesin.ThatnightJamescrawlsintobedwithhiswifewhileshewassleeping.Thewifeisawakenedsomewhat,feelshisfaceandreplies"OhMichael,youshouldn'tbehere,myhusbandwillbehomesoon！"我丈夫馬上就要回來了一個已婚男人去拜訪他的“女朋友\〞時，女朋友要求他剃去胡須?！班?，詹姆斯，我喜愛你的胡子，但我更喜愛看到你英俊的面孔。\〞詹姆斯回答說，“我的妻子喜愛我的胡子，所以我不可能剃掉它，否則她會殺了我的。\〞“噢，我求你了，\〞女朋友用一種低落的、性感的聲音又一次說道?！翱墒?，我不能，\〞他回答道，“我的妻子喜愛這胡子。\〞在女朋友一再請求下，他終于屈服同意了。夜里，在妻子熟睡時，詹姆斯爬上了床。妻子朦模糊朧地摸了摸他的臉說道，“噢，邁克爾，你不應該在這里，我的丈夫很快就要回來了。\〞。HeWonTommy:Howisyourlittlebrother,Johnny?Johnny:Heisillinbed.Hehurthimself.Tommy:That'stoobad.Howdidthathappen?Johnny:Weplayedwhocouldleanfurthestoutofthewindow,andhewon.他贏了湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？約翰尼：他害病臥床了。他受了傷。湯姆：真糟糕，怎么回事兒？約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。IHaveHisEarinMyPocketIvancamehomewithabloodynoseandhismotherasked,"Whathappened?""Akidbitme,"repliedIvan."Wouldyourecognizehimifyousawhimagain?"askedhismother."I'dknowhimanywhere,"saidIvan."Ihavehisearinmypocket."他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問，“發生了什么事？〞“一個男孩咬了我一口，〞伊凡說。“再見到他你能認出來嗎？〞媽媽問。“他走到哪里我都能認出他，〞伊凡說?！八亩溥€在我衣兜里呢。〞AGoodBoyLittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents."WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday?""Igaveittoapooroldwoman,"heanswered."You'reagoodboy,"saidthemotherproudly."Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman?""Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy."好孩子小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢?！白蛱旖o你的錢干什么了？〞“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，〞他回答說。“你真是個好孩子，〞媽媽驕傲地說?！霸俳o你兩分錢?？赡銥槭裁磳δ俏焕咸敲锤信d趣呢？〞“她是個賣糖果的。〞DrunkOneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,"What'sthemeaningoftheword'Drunk',dad?""Well,myson,"hisfatherreplied,"look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk.""But,dad,"theboysaid,"there'sonlyONEpoliceman！"醉酒一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處于那種對什么事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？〞“唔，孩子，〞父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那么我就算醉了。〞“可是，爸爸，〞孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀！〞HospitalityThehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguest'splate.Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:"Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese?""Intherat-trap,sir,"repliedtheboy。AGirlJustLikeMotherNomatterwhichgirlhebroughthome,theyoungmanfounddisapprovalfromhismother.Afriendgavehimadvice.“Findagirljustlikeyourmother—thenshe'sboundtolikeher.Sotheyoungmansearchedandsearched,andfinallyfoundthegirl.Hetoldhisfriendlyadviser:“Justlikeyousaid,Ifoundagirlwholooked,talked,dressed,andevencookedlikemother.Andjustasyousaid,motherlikedher〞“So,〞askedthefriend,“whathappened?〞“Nothing,〞saidtheyoungman.“Myfatherhatesher!〞37.和母親一樣的女孩無論帶哪一個女孩回家，這位青年人總會遭到母親的反對。一位朋友勸他說：“找一個和