寫(xiě)作范文文本分析2023年浙江省9+1聯(lián)盟高三上學(xué)期期中考讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)+陪讀小貓講義-2024屆高三英語(yǔ)一輪復(fù)習(xí)閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內(nèi)容和所給段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)續(xù)寫(xiě)兩段，使之構(gòu)成一篇完整的短文。“ThisSaturday,we’llbevisitingcatsattheanimalshelter.Ifyou’dliketojoinus,here’sanapplicationform”,saidMs.Delgado,theschoollibrarianwhohadheldthereadingengagementeventforstudents.“Benlovedcatsandhehadalwayswantedone,sohehurriedtotakeanapplicationform.ThenMs.Delgadoadded,“We’llbereadingtothecatsandawardreaderswhomakemostprogress.”Benstopped.Readingaloudcanbe

achallengingtask.Benmight

feelhisheartracing,

hispalmssweating,and

hisvoiceshaking

asheread.Hemight

stumbleoverwordsorlosehisplaceinthetext.Hemight

feellikeeveryonewaswatchinghimandjudginghim.Still,hereallywantedtovisitthecats,sohetookanapplicationformanyway.OnSaturday,Benarrivedattheshelterwithsomeofhisclassmates.“ThisisMax,”theshelterworkertoldBenasshehandedhimagraycat.BencarriedMaxtoabeanbagchairandsatdown.Maxsettledontohislap.Hetookabookhe'dbeenworkingonandstartedreading.Max,verydifferentfromothercatswalkingaroundtheroomwhilethekidsread,purred(發(fā)出呼嚕聲)onhislapasifhehadunderstoodwhatBenread.“I’mgladMaxisstayingandlisteningtomyreadingandheisthebestcatever,”BentoldDadexcitedly.“I'mgladyoutwoarefriends,”Dadsaid.Allweek,Ben'sheart

wasfilledwithanxiety

ashewaitedforSaturdaytoarrive.HewaseagertoreadtoMaxandtheanticipationofspendingtimewithhisfeline(貓咪的)friendmadehimrestlessandnervous.Whenitarrived,BengottoreadtoMaxagain.“WhatifsomeoneadoptsMax?”BenaskedDadlater.“Iguessyou'dreadtoadifferentcat,”Dadsaid.“ButIdon'twantadifferentcat.IwishwecouldadoptMax,”BensaidtoDad.Heknewtheycouldn'tbecauseMomhadallergies(過(guò)敏).Benlovedthecatsomuchthatheeventoldhisnext-doorneighbor,Mrs.Patel,aboutMax.“Maxsoundslikeaspecialcat,”saidMrs.Patel.要求：1.續(xù)寫(xiě)詞數(shù)為150左右;2.請(qǐng)按如下格式在答題卡的相應(yīng)位置作答。Para1:

Weekbyweek,BenrealizedthatreadingseemedeasierwithMax'scompany.Para2:ButonSaturday,Bencouldn'tfindMaxattheshelter.官方范文，

Weekbyweek,BenrealizedthatreadingseemedeasierwithMax’scompany.

Thepresenceofthegraycatmadehimfeelmorerelaxedandcomfortable.HenoticedthatMax'spurringhadacalmingeffectonhim,allowinghimtofocusbetteronthewordsinfrontofhim.BenwasamazedbyhowmuchheenjoyedreadingaloudtoMax.Still,hewassurprisedwhenMs.DelgadogavehimtheMostImprovedReaderaward.Benfeltasenseofprideandaccomplishmentasheheldthecertificateinhishands.Hecouldn'twaittoshowittoMax.

ButonSaturday,Bencouldn'tfindMaxattheshelter.

Helookedaroundtheroom,hopingtocatchaglimpseofhisfelinefriend.However,Maxwasnowheretobefound.Ben'sheartsankasherealizedthatsomeonemighthaveadoptedMax.Justthen,Mrs.Patelwalkedintotheroom,carryingMax.I'madoptinghim,"Mrs.Patelsaid."Youcancomeovereverydaytoreadtohim."HearingwhatMrs.Patelsaid,BenjumpedwithexcitementandthrewhisarmsaroundMrs.Patel.Ofcourse,hedidn'tforgettohugMaxtightlywhogaveacontentedpurr.范文分析：這篇范文在寫(xiě)作中把獲得最佳朗讀獎(jiǎng)放在第一段。雖然文本信息點(diǎn)題。但是對(duì)第二段結(jié)尾的升華沒(méi)有提升。這樣一來(lái)，寫(xiě)作不能完全符合高考續(xù)寫(xiě)的敘述+升華的模式。給讀者以草草收尾的感覺(jué)。參考范文一，

Weekbyweek,BenrealizedthatreadingseemedeasierwithMax’scompany.

Helovedreadingandevenfoundhimselfspeakupinfrontofthewholeclass,hisvoicefirmandposturecomposed,whichwasasweetshocktohisteachersandparents.Theshelternowbecameasanctuarywherehedivedintheseaofbooks,knowingdifferentfiguresandexperiencingdifferentlives.EverySaturday,hewenttotheshelterwithanewbooktoreadwithhisoldfriendMax.Itwasalsoeye-catchingforpassers-bytoseeaboyreadingattentivelyandacatpurringcomfortablyonhislap.Benhadthoughtthatdayswouldgoonlikethisforever.

這段文本里。Passers-bytoseeaboy似乎有超出文本范文之外的過(guò)度聯(lián)想。因此在教學(xué)中不鼓勵(lì)學(xué)生這樣寫(xiě)。ButonSaturday,Bencouldn’tfindMaxattheshelter.

Panicked,hestoppedapassingworkertoask,onlytoknowthatMaxhadbeenadoptedbyakindlady.Ben’sheartsankatthenews.AlthoughfeelinghappyforMax,Benwasn’tsurewhetherhewouldlovereadingasmuchasbeforewithoutMax.However,backhomeatthegate,heheardafamiliar“meow”,whichliterallysentchillsonhisspine.HeturnedaroundandfoundMaxlyinginMrs.Patel’scourtyard,yawningandstretchinglazily.ItturnedoutthatMrs.Patelhadadaptedit.Withtearsofjoy,BenknewthathewouldreadagainwithMax.Hefeltluckytomeetthisspecialfelinefriendwhohadshapedhislife.

分析：這篇范文對(duì)文本信息中的圖書(shū)館管理員的朗讀比賽和獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)只字不提。應(yīng)該在寫(xiě)作在屬于信息缺少。參考范文二，

Weekbyweek,BenrealizedthatreadingseemedeasierwithMax'scompany.

Theonceintimidatingactofreadingaloudbecameasharedexperiencebetweentheboyandthecat.Max'spurringwaslikeareassuringmelody,calmingBen'snervesandcreatingauniquebondbetweenthem.Astheweekspassed,Ben'sconfidenceinreadinggrew,andhisconnectionwithMaxdeepened.Maxwaslikeafurryoldfriendwhoaccompaniedandcomfortedhimtomakeprogressslowly.Therefore,BenwasgratefultohavemetMaxandeverySaturdaywasabigfeastforBen,whoalwayscounteddownthedaytomeetMax.

ButonSaturday,Bencouldn'tfindMaxattheshelter.

AnxietygnawedatBen'sexcitementashescannedtheroomforhisfelinefriend.TheshelterworkerexplainedthatMaxhadbeenadoptedearlier.BenfeltamixofhappinessforMax,whofoundaforeverhome,andsadnessforhimself,missinghisreadingcompanion.However,thenextday,Mrs.PatelknockedonBen’sdoor,holdingMaxinherarms.ThejoyonBen’sfacewasindescribableashereunitedwithhisbelovedpartner.Fromthatdayon,BenusuallywenttoMrs.Patel’shousetoread,notonlytoMax,butalsotoMrs.Patel.Anewoddbondwasforgedeversince.分析：這篇范文對(duì)文本信息中的圖書(shū)館管理員的朗讀比賽和獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)只字不提。應(yīng)該在寫(xiě)作在屬于信息缺少。基于以上問(wèn)題，筆者做了如下更改Thoseterribleexperiencelike

stumbleoverwordsorlosehispace（點(diǎn)題）,whichoncehauntedhimhadunconsciouslygivenwayto讓位于smootherintonation抑揚(yáng)頓挫Ben'sconfidenceinreadingregained,andhisconnectionwithMaxdeepened.Maxwaslikeafurryoldfriendwhoaccompaniedandcomfortedhimtoprogressslowly.Therefore,Benwas