精煉語言確保首尾照應【真題再現(xiàn)】 (2023·浙江1月高考)Iwasinvitedtoacookoutonanoldfriend’sfarminwesternWashington.Iparkedmycaroutsidethefarmandwalkedpastamilkinghousewhichhadapparentlynotbeenusedinmanyyears.Anoiseatawindowcaughtmyattention,soIenteredit.Itwasahummingbird(蜂鳥),desperatelytryingtoescape.Shewascoveredinspider-webs(蛛網(wǎng))andwasbarelyabletomoveherwings.SheceasedherstruggletheinstantIpickedherup.Withthebirdinmycuppedhand,Ilookedaroundtoseehowshehadgottenin.Thebrokenwindowglasswasthelikelyanswer.Istuffedapieceofclothintotheholeandtookheroutside,closingthedoorsecurelybehindme.WhenIopenedmyhand,thebirddidnotflyaway;shesatlookingatmewithherbrighteyes.Iremovedthestickyspider-websthatcoveredherheadandwings.Still,shemadenoattempttofly.Perhapsshehadbeenstrugglingagainstthewindowtoolongandwastootired?Ortoothirsty?AsIcarriedheruptheblackberry-linedpathtowardmycarwhereIkeptawaterbottle,shebegantomove.Istopped,andshesoontookwingbutdidnotimmediatelyflyaway.Hovering(懸停),sheapproachedwithinsixinchesofmyface.Foraverylongmoment,thistinycreaturelookedintomyeyes,turningherheadfromsidetoside.Thensheflewquicklyoutofsight.Duringthecookout,Itoldmyhostsaboutthehummingbirdincident.Theypromisedtofixthewindow.AsIwasdeparting,myfriendswalkedmetomycar.Iwasstandingbythecarwhenahummingbirdflewtothecenterofourgroupandbeganhovering.Sheturnedfrompersontopersonuntilshecametome.Sheagainlookeddirectlyintomyeyes,thenletoutasqueakingcallandwasgone.Foramoment,allwerespeechless.Thensomeonesaid,“Shemusthavecometosaygoodbye.”注意:續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應為150個左右。Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain._____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________【解題策略】第一步根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段第一句推出首段續(xù)寫“三要點”首句Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.梗概MythoughtsdriftedbacktothemomentwhenIrescuedthehummingbird.Icouldn’thelpwonderinghowshewasgettingonnow.第二句AsmycarneareditmythoughtsdriftedbacktothemomentwhenIrescuedthehummingbirdfromspider-webs.尾句Hadshemanagedtofindherwayhome,orwasshestillouttheresomewherestrugglingtosurvive?第二步根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段第一句推出第二段續(xù)寫“兩要點”首句Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.梗概Iturnedaroundtoseethesamehummingbirdhoveringintheair.尾句...IwouldalwayscherishthememorieswesharedasIclimbedintomycaranddroveaway.第三步根據(jù)“情感線”和“情節(jié)線”列出寫作關鍵句情感線Iwasingreatcomfort→Ifeltasurgeofreliefandawe情節(jié)線Iwenttothefarmagain→mythoughtsdriftedbacktothepastmoment→Irushedtothedesertedhouse→itwasagreatcomfort→Iwonderedhowshewasgettingon;Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared→itseemedthatshewaswaitingforme→Iclimbedintomycaranddroveaway第四步謀篇成文,文字流暢考場高分作文續(xù)寫高分亮點秀Afewweekslater,Iwenttothefarmagain.AsmycarneareditmythoughtsdriftedbacktothemomentwhenIrescuedthehummingbirdfromspider-webs.①Irushedbacktothedesertedhouse.Itwasagreatcomfortthattheoriginalholeinthewindowwasnowheretobefound.②Leavingthehouse,Icouldn’thelpwonderinghowshewasgettingonnow.③Hadshemanagedtofindherwaybackhome,orwasshestillouttheresomewherestrugglingtosurvive?④Iwasjustabouttoleavewhenthehummingbirdappeared.⑤Aflashofmovementcaughtmyattention.Iturnedaroundtoseethesamehummingbirdhoveringintheair.Itseemedthatthebirdwaswaitingforme,herbeadyeyeslockedonmineasiftryingtoconveysomedeep,unspokengratitude.⑥Ifeltasurgeofreliefandaweatthesightofthissoundandgratefulcreature,andIknewthatIwouldalwayscherishthememorieswesharedasIclimbedintomycaranddroveaway.⑦①使用when引導定語從句。②使用benowheretobedone,語言準確、地道。③句中包括動詞-ing短語作狀語;動詞-ing形式作賓語及how引導的賓語從句。④句中or并列連接兩個疑問句。⑤句中使用了句型“beabouttodo...when”,意思是“正要做……這時……”。⑥使用了句型Itseemsthat...。⑦句是一個復雜的句式,第三個and并列連接了兩個句子,其中后句是復合句,包括賓語、定語和狀語三大從句形式。【技巧分析】一、開頭6大設計技巧開頭形式真題回放副詞Butnomorehelicopterscameanditwasgettingdarkagain.Immediately,anabsolutedarknessruledtheforest.形容詞短語Suddenlyalittlerabbitjumpedoutinfrontofmyhorse.AfraidthatImighthurtthelovelysmallcreature,Iautomaticallyletoutacrytostopmyhorse.非謂語ItwasdaybreakwhenJanewokeup.Feelingrefreshed,shecontinuedtowalkalongthestreamtofindthewayout.對話式Wesatdownnexttoeachother,butDavidwouldn’tlookatme.Isaidgentlyandquietly,“Noonecanchangeyourmind,exceptyourself.”【新高考Ⅰ卷2022】問答式Iunderstoodimmediatelywhatmyparentswereworriedabout.TheywereworriedthatIwastooselfishtogive.【浙江高考2021】因果式Thepayarrivedatlast.Althoughthejobwasverytiring,IwasveryhappyinmyheartforIgotsomethingfrommywork.【浙江高考2021】二、收尾3大設計技巧收尾形式真題回放首尾呼應ThetwinswerefilledwithexcitementastheythoughtofthesurprisetheywereplanningforMother’sDay.(首句)Motherhuggedthemtightlyandkissedthemagainandagain.(尾句)【新高考Ⅰ卷2021】名言警句Justasthesayinggoes,onepersoncangofar,butagroupofpersonscantravelfarther.(尾句)【浙江高考1月2022】情感、思想升華Itwashisbraveheartandstrongfaiththatcouldmakesomethingunusualhappenfinally.(尾句)【新高考Ⅰ卷2022】【拓展演練】1．閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。Laughterissaidtobethebestmedicineinourlife.Nothingworksfasterormoredependablytobringyourmindandbodybackintobalancethanagoodlaugh.Laughterlightensyourburdens,inspireshope,connectsyoutoothers,andkeepsyoumorefocusedonthepositive.Iliketolaughandbehappywheneverthereisareasonforit.Crackingjokesusuallymakesushappyandlight-heartedafteradayofhardwork,andsodomanyfunnyincidentswhichwemaysometimesexperienceinourdailylife.However,today,Iwouldliketotalkaboutafunnyincidentthathappenedtomeafewyearsago,whenIwasstillastudentatprimaryschool.Thatveryincidenttookplaceatabirthdaypartyheldatmyaunt’shouse.Infact,itwasabirthdaypartyheldforoneofmylittlecousins.Onthatspecialoccasion,everybody,includingallofmyfamilymembers,closerelativesandsomeofthelittlefriendsofmycousin’s,wasinvitedtothepartyonalovelysummereveninginordertoenjoytheparty.Bytheway,thepartywassupposedtobeconcludedasearlyaspossible,becauseallthelittleguests,friendsofmycousin’s,neededtoreturntotheirhomessafelybeforeitwasgettingtoolateatnight.So,afterseveralhoursofbusypreparations,thepartyformallystartedataround8pm.Theadultsandthekidsallcameuptothetableandgentlyopenedupthevariouscolorfulgiftboxesonebyonewithaformalceremony.Onceweweredonewithopeningthegiftboxes,thetimecameforustosingthe“HappyBirthdaytoYou”songinchorus,andweallsangthesonginordertowishaveryhappybirthdaytomylittlecousin.Finallycamethemomentweallhadbeenwaitingforeagerly.Andwewerereadytoopenthecakeboxandcutthebirthdaycake.注意：1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應為150個左右；2.請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。Tooursurprise,thecakehadalreadybeencut!_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Hearingwhatmyauntsaid,weexpressedourwillingnesstogiveoursharetothehomeless._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________2．閱讀下面的材料，根據(jù)其內容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。Itwasthedayoftheclasselection,amomentIhadanticipated（期待）forweeks.Thistime,IwasdeterminednottoexperienceanotherdefeatasIhadhadtheyearbefore.Ihadmademorepostersandwrittenabetterspeech.Ihadbeenthroughawholeyearofhighschool,metmorepeopleandmademorefriends.Byworkinghardonclasscommitteeactivitiesallyear,Ihadprovedmyworthevenwithoutajobtitle.Imademywaytothecenteroftheroom,feelingarushofgrowinganxietyasIpreparedtoaddressmylargeclass.Introducingmyselfwithasmileandlistingmyachievements,Ihopednobodycouldtellthatmycalmexterior（外表）didnotmatchhowIfeltinside.AsIdeliveredmyspeech,thewell-preparedtwo-minutetimelimitfeltlikeanhour.Finishingmyspeechwithaslogan,“Pleasebelievemeandvoteforme,”Ialmostshrank,realizingitmightnotbeasmartmove.Imademywaybacktomychair,tryingtorememberhowtositgracefullyinaskirt.MyhandswereshakingsomuchthatIhadtroubleholdingontomyspeech.Ibarelynoticedtheteachercallthenameofmyopponent（對手）,whowasnowwalkinguptoreadhisspeech.Itriedtolisten,tocompare,topredictmychances,butIhadtoomanyotherthoughtsflyingthroughmyhead.Ilookedatthefacesoppositeme.Myfriendssmiledatmeandgavemeanencouragingthumbs-upsignwhentheycaughtmyeye.Aseachofthenextcandidatesreadtheirspeeches,Idebatedmychancesinmyhead.Irememberedmylossthepreviousyear.Iwasdepressedforanentireweekend.Thistime,Iwouldnotgetmyhopesup.Finally,itwastimeformetoheaddowntotheofficetoheartheresults.注意：1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應為150左右；2.請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。Astheteacherstartedtoreadthelist,Istoodstill,anticipatingthefinalitem.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Thenextyear,Ichangedmystrategy.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________3．閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。Oneday,mynine-year-oldyoungerbrotherJeffcamehomefromschoolearlierthanme.WhenIreturnedhome,Ifoundhewasshoutingatourmom—whowasbusycookinginthekitchen—abouttheclothesthatneededwashing.“Mom,whyhaven’tyouwashedmyclothes?”heasked,pointingatthedirtyclotheshehadtakenofftwodaysbefore.“Iwanttowearthemtomorrow,”Jeffadded.However,theclothesthathewaswearingstilllookedclean.“Dear,I’llwashitaftercooking,”MomtoldJeff,lookinganxiousandupset.Withoutreplying,Jeffunhappilywenttohisbedroomandclosedthedoor,withalongface.IwasshockedaboutJeff’sbadbehaviortowardsMom.Howunsympathetichewas!Ourwashingmachinehadbeenoutoforderfortwomonths.Becauseourparentswereonatightbudgetandweretoobusy,theystilldidn’tbuyanewone.Sorecentlyourfamilyhadtowashourclothesbyhand,whichwastime-wastingandtrulyhardwork.JustwhenIdecidedtoscold(訓斥)mylittlebrother,Dadcamehomefromwork,andItoldhimwhathadhappened.DadwasupsetandfeltsorryforMom,knowinghowhardsheworkedallday.Shewasasaleswomaninasupermarketanddidallshecouldtosupportourfamily.Often,Dadtriedtohelpwithsomeofthehousework.Hedidn’twantMomtohavetoomuchburden,knowingherheavyworkasasaleswoman.Ialsotriedtosparetimetohelpdohousework,sharingsomeofthefamilyburden.However,Jeffwasalazyandnaughty(淘氣)boy,whohardlydidhousework.Now,ourdaddecideditwashightimetoteachhimalesson.“Jeff,comehere,”Dadcalledout.“I’vesomegoodnewsforyou.”Jeffimmediatelycameandaskedexcitedly,“What,Dad?”“YourmomandIaretoobusyrecently.Tonight,Iwantyoutowashyourownclothes,”Dadsmiled.Jeffimmediatelyrefused,shakinghishead.注意：1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應為150左右；2.請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。“Then,youwon’tgetyourpocketmoneynextweek.I’mserious,”Dadreplied.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________At9pm,Jeffwasstillstrugglingtorinse(漂洗)theclothes,realizingtheworkwasn’teasyatall.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________4．閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。注意：1.續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應為150左右；2.請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。Shewastheprettiestpuppywehadeverseen,andthewholefamilyimmediatelyfellinlovewithher.WenamedherOnyxbecauseofherblack,shinyblackcoat.ShespentherfirstvacationwithuswhenshewasonlytenweeksoldandhadherfirstbathandswimintheSt.LawrenceRiver.Wehadnocluethatthisamazinglittleballoffurwouldendupbeingourhero.Asshegrewolder, Onyxbecamemoreandmoreinvolvedinourfamilyactivities.Onhotsummerdays,Onyxenjoyedfloatingontheriverwithusinherownrubbertube(橡皮圈).Amazinglystandingonthetopofthetube,shesmiledwhileshowingoffherperfectbalance.Restingherfrontlegsandpawsovertheedgeoftherubbertube,shekepthereyesshutasshefloateduntilshe’dhadenoughofthewarmsunonherblackcoat.Oneday,oureighteen-year-olddaughter,Margie,announcedshewasgoingtoswimacrossthebay.Nooneinthefamilywasfreetogoswimmingwithher.Theunwrittenrules,regardlessofswimmingability,wastohaveacompanioninthewaterwithyou,especiallywhenswimmingthewidthofthebay.Iwasnotagoodswimmer,soIsaidtoMargie,“TakeOnyxwithyou.”Havingheardhername,Onyxwokeupfromanapandwasreadyforaction.Margiesignedthedogtofollowher.Onyxrantothewaternexttoher.Theyenteredthefreezingrivertogetherandswamsidebysideacrossthebay.Iwatchedfromthebankastheyreachedthesandbar(沙洲)onthefarshore.Theyrestedafewminutesbeforedivingintothewaterforthereturntrip.Ifeltuneasyforsomereasonandcontinuedtowatchthepairswimsidebyside.SuddenlyIheardMargiecallingout,“Ihaveacram(痙攣)intheleg!”_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Seeingthepairapproachingtheriverbank,Ibreathedasighofrelief._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________參考答案1.Tooursurprise,thecakehadalreadybeencut!What’sworse,almosthalfofthecakewasmissing!Withoutaclueastowhatexactlyhadreallyhappened,weallstartedtolookateachother’sfaceingreatshock.Thenwesuddenlynoticedmyauntsmilinginacorneroftheroom.Onceapproachedbyus,shesparednotimeinlettingouthersecretaboutgivingher“fairshare”ofthecaketoahomelessmaninthestreetjustnow!Hearingwhatmyauntsaid,weexpressedourwillingnesstogiveoursharetothehomeless.Weallfeltasenseofwarmthandkindnessspreadingamongus.Wedecidedtojoinmyauntandcutmorecaketogivetothoseinneed.Aswehandedoutthepiecesofcake,smilesfilledthefacesoftherecipientsandus.Itwasabeautifulmoment,showingthatevenasmallactofkindnesscanmakeabigdifference.Werealizedthatthisunexpectedturnofeventshadturnedintoamemorableandmeaningfulcelebration.【寫作分析】本文是一篇記敘文，講述了作者參加小表弟的生日聚會，發(fā)生了一些意外，生日會還沒開始蛋糕的一半就不見了，大家都很吃驚。得知原因后笑聲在蔓延，溫暖在增加。笑聲減輕了你的負擔，激發(fā)了希望，把你和其他人聯(lián)系起來，讓你更加關注積極的一面。【要點解析】1.段落續(xù)寫：①由第一段首句內容“令我們驚訝的是，蛋糕已經(jīng)被切開了！”可知，第一段可描寫大家看到切開并且少了一半的蛋糕時的心情、表情以及猜疑，阿姨的微笑揭開謎底。②由第二段首句內容“聽了阿姨的話，我們表示愿意為無家可歸的人出一份力。”可知，第二段可描寫得知緣由后，大家愿意幫助更多的無家可歸的人，溫暖在蔓延，微笑更溫暖。此次生日聚會意義非凡。2.續(xù)寫線索：參加生日聚會——一半蛋糕不見了——震驚——揭秘：分給無家可歸的人——更多的人出一份力分發(fā)蛋糕——溫暖在蔓延——生日聚會意義非凡3.詞匯激活行為類①產(chǎn)生重大影響：makeabigdifference/haveabiginfluence②注意到：noticed/observed③揭露，泄露：letout/reveal情緒類①非常震驚：ingreatshock/ingreatsurprise/withashock②出乎意料的：unexpected/unpredicted【高分句型1】Withoutaclueastowhatexactlyhadreallyhappened,weallstartedtolookateachother’sfaceingreatshock.(使用了what引導的賓語從句)【高分句型2】Aswehandedoutthepiecesofcake,smilesfilledthefacesoftherecipientsandus.(使用了As引導的時間狀語從句)2.

Astheteacherstartedtoreadthelist,Istoodstill,anticipatingthefinalitem.WhenIheardthenameofmyopponent,allIwantedtodowasgetoutoftheoffice.Tearsrolleddownmyface.Iwasquitedisappointedandupset.Ihadputinsomucheffort,andcampaignedtirelessly,butstillfailed.Backintheclassroom,Ibowedmyheadinsilence.Myfriendsgatheredroundtocomfortme.Theyencouragedmenottogiveupandtotryagainthenextyear.TheirwordsbroughtmestrengthandcourageandhelpedmerecognizethatalthoughIlosttheelection,Ihadmadeprogress.Icoulddobetternexttime.Thenextyear,Ichangedmystrategy.Insteadofmerelyfocusingonmyownachievements,Idecidedtolistentotheconcernsandideasofmyclassmates.Onthedayoftheclasselection,Ideliveredaspeechthatnotonlyhighlightedmyqualificationsbutalsoaddressedtheissuesthatmyclassmatescaredabout.Finally,Iwontheelection!Itwasareminderthatperseveranceandunderstandingtheneedsofotherscanleadtosuccess.Winorlose,Ihadgrownthroughtheprocess,andthat,initself,wasavictory.【寫作分析】本文以人物為線索展開，講述的是作者在第一次參與班級競選時做了很多的海報，寫了一個很好的演講，結果卻落選了，后來在朋友的鼓勵下作者決定繼續(xù)參與第二年的競選，作者意識到必須要考慮到同學們的需求，而不僅僅是列舉個人的優(yōu)勢，所以作者決定改變策略，重新競選，結果競選成功，從這件事情中作者意識到堅持不懈和理解他人的需要可以帶來成功。【要點解析】1.段落續(xù)寫：①由第一段首句內容“當老師開始閱讀清單時，我站著不動，期待著最后一項。”可知，第一段可描寫競選名單公布，我落選，以及落選之后我內心的感受和朋友們對我的鼓勵。②由第二段首句內容“第二年，我改變了我的策略。”可知，第二段可描寫我是如何改變策略以及最終競選成功及我的感悟。2.續(xù)寫線索：名單公布——落選——難過——決心再次競選——改變策略——競選成功——感悟。3.詞匯激活行為類①專注于：focuson/concentrateon/becenteredon②處理：address/dealwith/handle③突出；強調：highlight/emphasize/stress情緒類①失望的：disappointed/discouraged/frustrated②傷心的：upset/unhappy/unpleasant【高分句型1】Onthedayoftheclasselection,Ideliveredaspeechthatnotonlyhighlightedmyqualificationsbutalsoaddressedtheissuesthatmyclassmatescaredabout.(運用了that引導的定語從句)【高分句型2】Itwasareminderthatperseveranceandunderstandingtheneedsofotherscanleadtosuccess.(運用了it作形式主語，that從句作真正主語的結構)3．“Then,youwon’tgetyourpocketmoneynextweek.I’mserious,”Dadreplied.Annoyed,Jefffinallysaid,“Allright.Anyway,washingclothesisapieceofcake.”“Sure,”Isaid,knowinghe’dsoonregrethiswords.Then,Jeffbeganhiswashingwork.Sincehehadseenuswashingclothesbyhandseveraltimes,heknewthesteps.Afteraddingmanydropsoflaundrydetergent,heusedhishandstowashtheclothesandsaiditwastrulyeasy.However,whenhebeganrinsingtheclothes,hemetachallenge.Afterherinsedtheclothesseveraltimes,thewaterstilllookeddirty,havinglotsofbubbles.At9pm,Jeffwasstillstrugglingtorinse(漂洗)theclothes,realizingtheworkwasn’teasyatall.“Doyoustillthinkwashingtheclothesapieceofcake?”Dadasked.Jeffshookhishead,embarrassed.Then,Ihelpedhimfinishtheremainingworkofrinsinganddrying.Afterthat,inspiredbymeandDad,JeffshamefullyapologizedtoMomforpreviouslyshoutingather.Momsmiledatus,gladaboutJeff’schange.Afterthatday,wecontinuedtoencourageJefftodohousework.Now,heloveddoingit;wewereproudhegrewtobeanunders