1、英語幽默小故事10篇（帶翻譯）線話英語 |2016-03-14 17:03:05英語幽默小故事10篇（帶翻譯）如下：Midway TacticsThree competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"The store on the le

2、ft raised bigger signs proclaiming, "PricesSlashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".中間戰(zhàn)術(shù)三個(gè)互相爭生意的商店老板在一條商業(yè)街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價(jià)！” “特便宜！”左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“大砍價(jià)！” “大折扣！”中間的商人隨后

3、準(zhǔn)備了一個(gè)大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。Very Pleased to Meet YouDuring World War II, a lot of young womenin Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.Oneevening she met Captain Humphreysat a dance. He said to her, "I

4、 ' m going abroad tomorrow, but I ' d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.Jo

5、an went there and said to the matron, "I ' ve come to visit Captain Humphreys.""Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said."Oh, that 's all right," answered Joan. "I' m his sister.""I 'mvery pleased to meet you,&qu

6、ot; the matron said, "I 'm his mother!"在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊 .飛利浦斯是其 中之一。她在一個(gè)大軍營中工作，當(dāng)然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞會(huì)上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，“我明天就要出國， 但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會(huì)很高興。”瓊同意了，于是他們幾個(gè)月里一直通 著信。后來，他再?zèng)]有來信。她收到了另一個(gè)軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在 英格蘭的某個(gè)部隊(duì)醫(yī)院里。瓊到了醫(yī)院，她對護(hù)士長說，“我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。”“這里只有親屬可以探望病人。”護(hù)士長說。“噢，是的，”瓊說，“我是他

7、的妹妹。”“很高興認(rèn)識你，”護(hù)士長說，“我是他的母親。”Two SoldiersTwo soldiers were in camp. The first one 's name was George, and the second one 's name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.Then George said,

8、 "Now I haven 't got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"Bill Said, "Y

9、es, I am," and he opened the door.George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and." He stopped."What do you want now?" Bill said to him.George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What' syour girl-friend' s address?"軍營里有二名士兵，

10、一個(gè)叫喬治，一個(gè)叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙、 信封嗎？”比爾說：“有。”然后把信紙和信封給了喬治。喬治又說：“我還沒有筆呢。”比爾又把自己的筆給了他。喬治開始寫信。 寫完后把信放進(jìn)信封里，又問：“比爾，你有郵票嗎？”比爾給了他一張。這時(shí)比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治問：“你要出去嗎？”比爾說：“是的。”隨即打開了門。喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進(jìn)辦公室的信箱里，還有 .”他停住了。 “你還要什么？”比爾問。喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-?”Five Months OlderThe Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join t

11、he army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.But John ' s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy

12、's family name, so when he saw John ' s papers, he was surprised."How old are you?" he said."Eighteen, sir," said John."But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?""Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. &qu

13、ot;My brother is five months older than I am."大五個(gè)月第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④姡伤挥惺鶜q，當(dāng)時(shí)規(guī)定男孩到十 八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫(yī)給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說他已經(jīng)十八歲了。可約翰的哥哥剛?cè)胛闆]幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫(yī)給他做的檢查。這位醫(yī)生還 記得他哥哥的姓。所以當(dāng)他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。“你多大了 ？”軍醫(yī)問。“十八，長官。”約翰說。“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎？”約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月。”West PointMy father, brother and I visited West

14、 Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."Onemiddl

15、e-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."父親、哥哥和我到西點(diǎn)軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓大學(xué)之間的橄欖球賽。 開始之前，我們到處轉(zhuǎn)了轉(zhuǎn)，碰到許多穿著整齊制服的學(xué)員。幾名游客問新兵是 否愿意擺出軍姿來讓他們攝。“好讓我們的兒子知道，如果他到西點(diǎn)軍校來學(xué)習(xí) 會(huì)得到什么。

16、”一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學(xué)員，問她是否愿意擺個(gè)姿勢照相。他 們解釋說：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點(diǎn)軍校錯(cuò)過了什么。”(6)Present for GirlfriendAt a jewelry store, a young manbought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-

17、engrave it 'To myone and only love '. That way, if weever break up, I can use it again."送給女友的禮物在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個(gè)貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎？"珠寶商問道。那名顧客想了一會(huì)兒，然后說道：“不-在上面刻給我唯一的愛。這樣， 如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”Be Careful What You Wish ForA couple had been married for 25 years and were celebr

18、ating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tick

19、ets in her hand.Next, it was the husband ' s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I ' d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.慎重許愿一對結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。慶祝活動(dòng)中，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她

20、給許給這對夫妻每個(gè)人一個(gè)愿望。妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呼！ ”的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn)了一張票。接下來該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕 30歲的女人。”仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒。“呼！”，他變成了 90歲。Wood FireOne womanectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened.""Does that mean," asked the

21、other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"森林之火一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動(dòng)物的特性：“丈夫們就像是森林里的火， 一不注意，他們就會(huì)燃燒起來。”“那是不是意味著，”另一個(gè)問道，“他們將自己燒成灰燼？”Best RewardA naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him."The best way, sir," said the deck han

22、d, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I ' d pulled you out, they ' d chuck me in."最好的獎(jiǎng)賞他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中 才能酬謝他“最好的辦法，長官，”這名水手說，”是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我 救了您，他們會(huì)把我扔下去的。”Napoleon Was IllJack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his

23、first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He 's a good boy," said Jack

24、's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I 'm sure he 'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, no, that ' s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when N

25、apoleon had died, he didn 't know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack 's father. "You see, I 'mafraid we don 't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was 川."拿破侖病了杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學(xué)校 讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定

26、去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。“他是個(gè)好孩子，”杰克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年 會(huì)有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，他一定會(huì)考好的。”“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎？上個(gè)月我問他拿破侖什么時(shí)候死的，他都不知道。”“先生，請?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會(huì)吧。”杰克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因?yàn)?我們家沒有訂報(bào)紙。我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”He Was Only Wrong by TwoJack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find

27、good players, but they weren' t always smartenought to be accepted by the college.One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I&#

28、39; d betterask him a few questions first."Then he turned to the student and asked him somevery easy questions, but the student didn' t know any of the answers.At last the dean said, "Well, what' s five times seven?"The student thought for a long time and then answered, "

29、Thirty-six."The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."他的得數(shù)只比正確答案多二杰克霍金斯是美國一所學(xué)院的橄欖球隊(duì)教練，他竭力想物色好球員。但是好球員學(xué)業(yè)不行，院方不愿錄取。有一天，教練帶著一位優(yōu)秀的年輕球員去見院長，希望院方同意他免試入學(xué)。 經(jīng)過一番勸說后院長說：“那我最好先問問他幾個(gè)問題。”然后他轉(zhuǎn)

30、向?qū)W生，問了幾個(gè)非常簡單的問題。可是那個(gè)學(xué)生一個(gè)也答不上來。最后院長說：“那么，五乘七得多少 ？”學(xué)生想了很久，然后回答說：“三十六。”院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練。可是教練認(rèn)真地說，”噢，錄取他吧，先生。他的答案只比正確答案多二。”Real PlayWhen I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North DakotaState University, I required mystudents to attend the university theater 's current production and write a

31、 critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."逼真的戲劇我在北達(dá)科他州立大學(xué)教戲劇入門課時(shí)，要求學(xué)生們?nèi)タ磳W(xué)校劇團(tuán)當(dāng)時(shí)的演 出，并寫一篇評論。看了一場極為精彩的演出后，一名學(xué)生寫道：”這部戲劇是如此逼真，以致于我認(rèn)為我自己是坐在家里的沙發(fā)上，從電視上看到的。”A

32、Fine MatchOne day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."The l

33、ady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of somecheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was qui

34、te successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!勢均力敵有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的廚房地板上竄過。她很害怕老鼠，所以她沖出屋子，搭上了公共汽車直奔商店。在那兒，她買了一只老鼠夾。店主告 訴她：“放點(diǎn)奶酪在里面，很快你就會(huì)逮住那只老鼠的。”這位女士帶著鼠夾回到家里，但她沒有在碗櫥里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商 店里去，因?yàn)橐呀?jīng)很晚了。于是，她就從一份

35、雜志中剪下一幅奶酪的圖片放進(jìn)了 夾子。令人稱奇的是，這畫有奶酪的圖片竟然奏效了！第二天早上，這位女士下樓到廚房時(shí)，發(fā)現(xiàn)鼠夾里奶酪圖片旁有一張畫有老鼠的圖片！Gardening GlovesFor months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked mefor gift suggestions. I held myhands up and said, &q

36、uot;Well, you ' ll notice that my hands are bare."Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.園藝手套幾個(gè)月以來，我一直在向丈夫暗示我需要一枚新的 結(jié)婚戒指，因?yàn)槲覍S金 有點(diǎn)過敏。生日那天，我正在干園藝活時(shí)，丈夫問我想要什么禮物。我舉起雙手 說：“嗯，你肯定看到了，我的兩手都是光光的。”那天晚上，我滿懷熱情地拆開了丈夫送的禮物。“生日快樂 ！”他說。我打 開一看：里面包著一雙園藝手套。WarningSeveral weeks after our son began his freshma